Unexpected Feelings

So this morning I was washing windows and got interrupted by a phone call from my friend, Tricia Sloma, who is doing a story on WNDU on our life story since 2004. She is a local news reporter who has become a friend of mine throughout the past few months of many conversations and emails. She called to give me a quick update on the story that she is working on for next week. (It will be airing Monday and Tuesday, the 18th and 19th, on the morning show from 5-7am.)

Tricia has been working on this story for several months and this week decided to call Tamela's family to give them a heads up on the upcoming story. Tamela was the driver of the other car that hit our family van almost 5 years ago. Her father answered the phone when Tricia called. Long story short, she was told that Tamela died this past February 7. She died only a few months after being diagnosed of having a tumor. Also in the conversation she was told that the family has checked up on me through people who know me. I don't know who these people are who know both of us...interesting.

My heart is heavy today. I'm sad. Strangely, I feel like this is another loss for me. It was my intention to somehow meet Tamela this year. I don't understand why I haven't felt like it was ok to meet her up to this point. For the past 4 1/2 years I have prayed for her and thought of her many, many times, at times on a daily basis. I have always had a heart of compassion for her.

What do I do with those feelings now? I sure didn't expect to feel like this. But then I didn't really have any expectations either. These feelings are so similar to grief and it feels strange to feel this way. How does one feel this way towards the person who changed my life forever? Forgiveness. It was such a natural act for me to forgive her. Please don't think that I'm this wonderful person ... it's God in me!

My heart aches for Tamela's parents. They have gone through so much with the accident, the press and the public being negative towards them and their daughter, and now their daughter's death. Am I supposed to meet them this year? Are they ready to meet me? Are we ever supposed to meet each other? I care so much for them and I want to see healing in their eyes. I want so much for them to be whole and to know Jesus' healing truth!

Where do I go from here? God knows ... I need to trust Him in this ...