Do Life Together

Our marriage has entered a new season in the past year. Our kids are all getting so grown up these days. Their ages range from 15-22. Three of them are in their young adult/college years and two are now in high school. 

I remember the days when I had to make sure that we had a sitter for the little ones so that I could go on a date with my husband. Paying a young lady to spend time at our house with our kids wasn’t what I really wanted to do. It was a sacrifice and at times painful. My young children didn’t mind hanging out with someone besides their mom and her rules.

As the kids grew into preteens we started leaving them at home on their own for a short time. Running a quick errand here and there without a little one felt a bit freeing to me. It was a little scary at first but turned into a small piece of freedom.

When the teenage years came the freedom came bursting forth. I think I even took advantage of it too much sometimes. Eventually it felt like they were kicking me out of the house so they could do whatever they wanted.

Through all this Clint and I dated each other on a regular basis. We made the decision that our marriage is our first priority in our family. Without us being married our family unit would not exist. On top of that, without us working towards a healthy marriage, our children would not have a healthy view of what a marriage or family looks like.

Dating didn’t always come easy for us with having five little people in the mix. It took what so many times felt like an enormous sacrifice on our part. Sometimes it hurt to leave them with a sitter or on their own. There were too many times when we didn’t even like each other when we left for a date. I remember times when there were tears in the middle of the date and we would end the evening early. Even in the midst of the sacrifice we both knew that this was what we needed to do.

Writing this stirs so many emotions in me. Feelings of hurt, sadness, gratefulness and relief. It makes me sad that we experienced hurt in our dating process. Along with that I am grateful and relieved that we pushed through the pain and have come to the other side.

We have gained a lot of wisdom in what it means to date your spouse. It can be painful. With perseverance and determination it can become a part of your life that you crave.

Eventually our five children literally expected us to go on a date. I have to admit that there have been seasons in our lives that we were too busy to date. During those seasons our kids would ask us when we were going to go on a date again. Now that is accountability. It was like they wanted us to leave the house. I believe that the truth is that they found security in their parents spending extra time together. They wanted to make sure that it was still there.

When mom and dad make their relationship a priority it creates a sense of stability for the children. It feels safer for them.

Clint and I have learned how to enjoy each other. Our favorite day of the week is Friday, his day off of work. We have resolved to make sure that we spend time together on that day. Our marriage is too important not to.

We have discovered what we like to do together. We enjoy going on walks, 

biking, 

going on hikes, 

laying in the hammock together, 

going to dinner, 

hunting 

and ministering to others through prayer and conversation. 

Our latest fun thing is kayaking. We will go into the middle of the lake and just sit and float while talking about life or going down the river.

A few weeks ago while on a date we were discussing the high divorce rate among people our age. One of the reasons is that husbands and wives haven’t learned how to prioritize their marriage above the children. (Yes, children do need their parents to make them a priority but the marriage relationship needs to take seniority over all relationships in the family.)  The focus has been on the children’s activities and careers that they have forgotten to love and enjoy the person they fell in love with years ago.

In our new season of our kids being high schoolers and young adults has created way too many mixed emotions in us. We have enjoyed each stage of their lives but this stage is one of letting go. I have to say that this one isn’t the easiest one.

So many marriages at this stage in life fall apart because the kids are leaving and the husband and wife don’t know each other anymore. So sad.

Do you remember the one you married years ago? I’m guessing that he or she may not be just like the one you married. That is simply the way life works. Life changes us. Are you changing with each other? Doing life together is so much more fun than separately.

I’m so grateful I get to do life with my best friend.