Yesterday, December 10, 2012, was the day that John and I would've celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. We got married on this day in 1994.In the busyness of the holidays I didn't realize that the anniversary was coming up until the night before, Sunday night. I woke up yesterday morning feeling sad, really sad. I realized that I would've been married 18 years and it made me sad that it will take me another 10 1/2 years to get to the point of being married 18 years. I haven't even been married a total of 18 years. Realizing this brought to a point of grieving what I lost... again.
Even in the midst of being sad and grieving again, I am grateful ...
Daddy John would be so proud of his kids!
He would be proud of the way John Michael tried to stick with playing baseball but just couldn't excel in it the way he used to. He still has an incredible catch, arm and swing.
He would be proud of his spiral with the football ... oh so proud of the amazing tight spiral that he throws while sitting.
He would be so very proud of his basketball skills.
He would also be pleased with his natural ability to pick up a guitar and play it beautifully.
He would be happy with his heart for God.
Daddy John would be proud of Ben's skills in basketball.
He would be proud of the way he loves to play soccer with his friends.
He would be pleased with the way he loves on children and how they love him back.
He would be proud of the way he is playing piano now.
He would be pleased with the way Ben loves on his brother and sister.
He would be so very happy with Ben's kind heart towards others and his love for Jesus.
Daddy John would be so proud of his little Princess Rebekah. He really wanted a girl when I was pregnant with her. I will never forget him dancing when we found out we were having a girl. :)
He would be so proud of her natural ability to play piano and how well she plays.
He would be so excited about her talent in playing softball well.
He would proud of her love of horses.
He would so very pleased with her loyalty to her friends and her drive for justice.
He would be so very happy with her love for Jesus.
I have to add that John would also be proud of me. Within the last few months of his life we talked about what we would want the other person to do if one of us died. We both said that we would want the other to date and get married again. We wanted this for our children.
Looking back I now see that God was in that conversation. A short time after, John died and I was left as a widow with 3 small children. I instantly felt a God-filled peace and knew that we were going to be ok. I'm not saying that I felt like it was going to be easy, I just knew that it was going to be ok with God on our side.
Within a very short time, I met Clint. The instant I met him I knew in my spirit and my heart that I was going to marry this man! God worked it out that I would marry him. I am so very grateful for this man. John would be proud of me in that I followed through on his wish for me to be married again. He would be happy with who I am married to. He would be thrilled with how his kids are being raised to love Jesus and to live up to their potential.
John would be pleased with where I am today ... Someone who has grown immensely in every way. I've had no choice but to grow, but with the help of the Creator of the Universe I've grown more than I ever imagined!
2 comments:
Oh how this reminds me of our walk and talk on Thanksgiving day :) ... I am overwhelmed with the grace of God to give such peace and joy in the midst of mourning and sorrow. I keep coming to the phrase "sweet sorrow" ... John would be so incredibly proud of you and the children!! I know this in the depth of my being!
It is much like our conversation on the track. I so appreciate your affirmation in this! I love you sis! John would also be so very proud (and shocked ... lol) of you Wendy! :)
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