This week Clint is in Haiti with a team of 28 people helping build homes for the earthquake victims. Many people are still living in tent villages and waiting for a home to live in. This week they are building 7 homes and doing very well. They are also hoping to serve the people through serving/giving food and other ways.
As the Pastor of Missions at our home church it's Clint's job to go on missions trips with teams. I'm thinking he has the best job in the world! (I'm so very proud of my husband!!) Going on missions trips around the world because you want to and are expected to? Who wouldn't want to do that? I would!! I love missions. I've had the privilege of going to Uganda and South Sudan with Clint twice now and I can tell you that I see and breathe clearly when I'm on a missions trip. I absolutely love it!
Here's my issue... I'm the wife of a missions pastor who gets to go on all the trips organized for him to go on. I don't. I love and enjoy missions as much as he does. Honestly, I'm not always ok with him going without me. I've shed many tears because I long to go with him and the teams.
This week I'm learning and working on accepting that missions is not what God has called me to in this season of life, not like Clint anyway. I've known this truth but I haven't been ok with it. God has called my husband to be the Pastor of Missions and I am his wife who is called to something else. I believe that I am in a different season than Clint and that someday soon I will also be called to missions like my husband. Clint and I have had conversations about this and we both believe that missions is in our future, together. I will go on missions trips as long as it's ok with God. I believe there are a few trips that I will continue to go on but just not all of them. I need to be ok with that.
Last week as Clint was getting ready with packing and working out details for the team, I struggled with anger and jealously. So much of me wanted to go with him but I knew that I couldn't. I knew that I couldn't let him leave with me being angry at him for not taking me with him so I made an effort to work through those feelings and send him off on a good note. I went to the store to find some cards for him to open each day. He likes cards so I knew that he would appreciate a daily note of encouragement from me. As I was looking through card after card I came across a card that spoke directly to me. I bought this card for me, not for him. It's a reminder of what God has called me to.
A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life.
She feared she was wasting her potential by being a devoted wife and mother.
She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference.
At times she got discouraged because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated.
"Is it worth it?" she often questioned.
"Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?"
It was during those times that she heard the still small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart.
"You are a wife and mother because that is what I've called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye. But I notice. Most of what you give is done without payment. But I am your reward.
Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know. I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.
Your children are precious to me - even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care to raise for Me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me.
You may never be in the public spotlight, but your obedience shines as a bright light before Me.
Remember, you are My servant.
Do all to please Me.
Continue on."
Oh my goodness. I cried over this card. I don't think I could've said it better. God covered everything that I struggle with. It's not about me and what I want. It's about walking in obedience to what He has called me to and to honor Him and glorify Him in it. It's not about me!
Earlier in the day, before I saw this card God said to me, "Remember what I called you to first." I knew exactly what he meant. He called me to be a wife and mother first. He didn't call me into missions around the world first. My first calling is in my own home.
I LOVE being a wife and mom! I would not trade it for anything on this earth! I would die for my husband and children!
I do have to say that when I am in Africa I miss my children with my whole being. Some recent teammates can tell you that I need to have a good cry and then I'm good for the rest of the trip, although I think of my children a lot. It's hard for me to be away from my children when I'm not home. My favorite place is to be home with my family.
Know that doing what God has called me to first isn't always the easiest thing to do. As much as I love and respect my husband and love my children, sometimes I struggle with where He has me. God doesn't always call us to the easy things in life BUT he many times does call us to the most rewarding things in life. He is my reward... through my husband and children. God is so good and always has our best interests in mind.
My heart's desire is for each of my children to have a heart for missions in some aspect. They don't have to travel the world like their parents, but I would love to see them reach out to those around them. I can tell you that they already do that with their friends at school. Their desire is for their friends to know Jesus. They want to spent eternity in heaven with their friends. I love that. It blesses my heart.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
Colossians 3:23
1 comment:
Rose I so hear ya! It's hard to be happy and content when we look at all the fun stuff others seem to be having in their ministry! I do believe that as you said as we are faithful to our callings God will reward our willing hearts. I'll pray for you as you parent alone this week!
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