Canada ... Grandmom ...

I'm missing Clint right now ... I have been for the last 24 hours. It's funny how a person can miss someone before they even leave. Clint just left for a Men's Wilderness Trip alittle over an hour ago. He is leading a backpacking/canoeing/camping trip through the wilderness in Ontario, Canada. It's a passion of his to take these men into the depths of God's Creation and to pursue Him in the midst of it all. It's a man's man kind of trip... pretty intense. This trip includes several men who don't have a relationship with Christ. This is exciting because this is a prime opportunity to have that change. One of the men got pretty sick right before leaving ... spiritual attack! Satan can be so stupid!

I'm actually somewhat envious of these guys. I've grown to really enjoy backpacking and they get a week of it. And in the midst of it all, pursue God! So cool!!

For several months now I've been considering taking a women's group on a 3-4 day weekend trip backpacking up north or south. I kept thinking that I don't know that anyone would be interested. Earlier this week several ladies from church suggested that I do a women's trip like Clint does the men's trips!! I was shocked... but excited. God has me in places that I never dreamed that I would be!! Who would have thought that I would even think about backpacking with a group of ladies?? :)

My mother-in-law, Betsy, is scheduled for heart valve replacement surgery next Tuesday. She hasn't been doing well for a long time and it's come down to this. This is a risky surgery with a 30% chance of death, stroke or better quality of life.

For the past month or more we've been having to work through the fact that she may not make it through. I've had to work through the fact that that part of my life is dying away. First John, then PopPop and now possibly Grandmom. What are you doing God?? I'm struggling with words to say how I feel about this. In my selfish humanness I don't want her to die, but in my spirit I'm ok with it. Such a contrast. How do I balance the two feelings?

I don't want to have to start the grieving process over again! It's too hard. I know that God has healed me of my grief with John's death, and PopPop's. That's not to say that I don't think about them and miss them at times... because I do. Although missing a person is so different than grieving. I can't explain it. I just know that it is.

I've talked to John Michael, Ben and Bekah about the possibility of Grandmom dying and going to heaven. They are ok with it even though they would prefer her not to. They understand that she would spend eternity in the presense of Jesus and that she would be healthier than ever before. Ben said, "And she would get to see PopPop and Daddy John!". He was excited for her about that. :) It's so good as a mom to know that my kids have the ability to process all this. I don't like the fact that they are familiar with death, but that's our reality.

I need to cut this off. I promised the kids a trip to Walmart ... :)