The Art of Being Real

An antique dealer thought the wrinkled old baseball card she found might be worth $10. After posting it on eBay, she began to wonder if it might be more valuable than she had thought. She removed the posting and consulted a professional evaluator who confirmed that the photo on the 1869 card showed the Cincinnati Red Stockings, the first professional baseball team in the US. The card sold for more than $75,000.

Mike Osegueda’s article in The Fresno Bee said that even though the card was creased and discolored, the most important thing was its authenticity—it was real.

Everyone appreciates authenticity but what does "being real" or authentic mean?

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Being true, noble and right are just a few of the things that Jesus considers to be excellent and praiseworthy.

True means to be in accordance with fact or reality.

Noble means having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals.

Right means to be true or correct as a fact and morally good, justified, or acceptable.

Being real does not mean that we get to be whoever we want to be. It doesn’t mean that we can be completely honest with what is on our minds at any given moment. It doesn’t give us permission to spew all over someone else when we don’t agree with that person. It’s not ok to attack or judge someone with our words or actions. This may be some human’s version of “being real” but it’s not a healthy one.

The godly version of being authentic or real is different than the world’s. Jesus tells us to live a life that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable. Getting to the place of living a life like this is a process. We are told to live a life like Jesus lived. His life was all of the things that he tells us to do in Philippians 4:8.

Is being real with someone a scary thought?

Being real can be scary. We don’t want someone to see a part of us that is ugly. We’re afraid that they won't like us if we let ourselves be who we really are. Putting our hearts out there can be painfully frightening. I have learned that there are only a few people that I can be really real with in my life. They are the ones that know me better than anyone else. They are the ones that I trust to love me despite knowing the good, bad and the ugly in and about me.

Is it something that you're good at?

Some people are really good at being authentic. Sometimes too good that it’s intimidating or overwhelming. Sometimes it’s refreshing.

Honestly, I’m not very good with being who I really am with everyone in my life. I try to be real as much as I can. Often I fail. Really, who actually wants to know when I’m having a hard day? Who wants to hear about it? Isn’t is easier to just respond with a quick “I’m good” when I’m asked how I’m doing? I’m not always being honest with that kind of response. Sometimes I try to cushion it with “I’m ok” instead of straight out lying with saying that I’m good. 

So when someone asks me how I’m doing, do I need to take the next half hour to talk about how I really am when it’s a bad day? No, I don’t, but I shouldn’t lie about it either. It’s ok to say…

“It’s been a bad day”

“It’s been rough”

“My boss was hard on my today”

“I’m struggling but I’ll be ok”, etc.

Let’s just be honest with each other without having to spill it all over each other all the time. Not being real doesn’t help anyone. It’s not beneficial to any kind of relationship.

If people don’t know you, they don’t know how to love you.

Let me be real with you…

I’m not perfect in pretty much any area of my life.

I’m not always nice to my husband and children. Thankfully, they still know that I love them and always will. Don’t put me on a pedestal of perfection. Like most people, I will quickly disappoint you.

I can be selfish with my time.

I get so caught up in what I need to accomplish that it becomes my focus. It’s hard for me to let someone interrupt my schedule or plans. It’s a negative of being an introvert. I need to learn to be more selfless.

I love deeply.

Sometimes I love so much that it hurts my heart. I tend to get my heart stomped on because I love so much. When my heart gets hurt I want to pull away and admittedly sometimes I do. I try to come across as being strong and not caring of what people think of me. Truth is, everyone wants to be loved and accepted. I’ve learned that not everyone will give you what you want or need. Sometimes I love with reservation, but when I love, I love deeply.

Sometimes my heart hurts so much it feels like it’s going to explode.

Life has been hard. I don’t always talk about what’s on my mind and heart like I need to. There are too many times that I keep it to myself and then it hurts more and more … until I make myself talk to my husband. He lets my talk and cry it out and then it’s much better.

I love being a mom.

From the time I was a little girl I knew that I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. I knew that it was my calling even though I didn’t understand what it meant at the time. I have been a full time mom for over 21 years and I have absolutely loved it. I am grateful for all the precious moments with my children now turned teenagers and young adults. It hasn’t always been an easy calling but it’s been worth it. As every mom knows, there has been a lot of sacrifice happening over the last 21+ years. I have also experienced many times of laughter, tears and countless times of soaking in the time with them.

Being real is a beautiful thing. It can be risky. It can also be healing.

When I’m not honest with my husband it puts a wedge between us. Just this past few weeks I’ve had a lot on my mind that I wasn’t sharing with him. One morning I finally let it all out and was as real as I could be with all that was on my heart. My concerns. My hurts. My fears. It changed our relationship. It was healing for me. It was a beautiful thing.   

What about in your relationship with God?  Are you able to be real with Him?  Can you go to him as you are?

Being authentic with God is even more beautiful than our human relationships. He already knows who you really are, what you are thinking and feeling, what is going on in your life, what you are doing. What's the point in trying to hide anything from him when he already knows everything? I used to think that I needed to wait until I was “cleaned up” before I could go to him. It’s not true. He already loves us the way we are. He wants us to be real with him. He really does.

God can’t meet you where you’re not. 

He will meet you where you are … when you are real.

Seriously, who wants a fake relationship? No one. Let’s be real with each other.